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leukocytes) wrote2013-02-20 03:21 pm
leukocytes) wrote2013-02-20 03:21 pm
(no subject)
Mauricio was offered an interview for a job in New York. Its literally his dream to move up there, and it is great news that he's been offered the interview bc he's seriously been freaked out about not having a job lined up, and I wish I was excited for him and not scared for myself. I guess you never outgrow selfishness and jealousy.
I feel like its too late. I feel like if I havent gotten an interview opportunity for medical school yet, then I might as well be waiting for my rejection letters. I still haven't heard back from these medical billing people, and I'm worried I won't, because I haven't heard anything from my med schools- and I know they're in no way related, but god damn if I'm not worried and feeling like a gross sack of useless shit.
I keep telling myself I won't feel so bad if I have a job- but I don't really want a job that means I'll stay in Florida. I want a job because I'm not good at being idle, and I'm worried that I'm going to be rejected from medical school and have to do everything over again and I need money to be able to do that. I know I'm being picky, but I don't want to work retail. I'm smarter than retail.
What if I do get into FAU and I'm in Florida and Mau is in New York?
What if I don't get in anywhere and I have to tell my entire family I wasn't good enough?
I'm embarrassed by my situation and I'm jealous of the good things that happen to the people around me. I really don't want to be this way anymore.
I feel like its too late. I feel like if I havent gotten an interview opportunity for medical school yet, then I might as well be waiting for my rejection letters. I still haven't heard back from these medical billing people, and I'm worried I won't, because I haven't heard anything from my med schools- and I know they're in no way related, but god damn if I'm not worried and feeling like a gross sack of useless shit.
I keep telling myself I won't feel so bad if I have a job- but I don't really want a job that means I'll stay in Florida. I want a job because I'm not good at being idle, and I'm worried that I'm going to be rejected from medical school and have to do everything over again and I need money to be able to do that. I know I'm being picky, but I don't want to work retail. I'm smarter than retail.
What if I do get into FAU and I'm in Florida and Mau is in New York?
What if I don't get in anywhere and I have to tell my entire family I wasn't good enough?
I'm embarrassed by my situation and I'm jealous of the good things that happen to the people around me. I really don't want to be this way anymore.