ｋａｔ (![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png)
leukocytes) wrote2021-07-15 04:13 pm
leukocytes) wrote2021-07-15 04:13 pm
(no subject)
The reality is that even if I want him to feel bad when he sees me having a perfectly happy life without him- as much as I want him to feel deep, gut churning, nauseating remorse-- he might not.
He may never regret it.
He may never feel unjust for this hurt I'm feeling now.
He may only ever feel like he was right, because I will be happier without him than I was at the end, like this, with him. Even if he doesn't find someone, even if his life isn't as adventurous or interesting as mine becomes, he might not ever feel like he misses me and wishes he could be a part of what its become. He may never feel like he's missing out on being a continued part of my life.
That is why I cannot let my happiness be dependent on his regret.
I can only focus on cultivating happiness in my life, and finding people who truly, desperately, genuinely wish to be part of that happiness.
He may never regret it.
He may never feel unjust for this hurt I'm feeling now.
He may only ever feel like he was right, because I will be happier without him than I was at the end, like this, with him. Even if he doesn't find someone, even if his life isn't as adventurous or interesting as mine becomes, he might not ever feel like he misses me and wishes he could be a part of what its become. He may never feel like he's missing out on being a continued part of my life.
That is why I cannot let my happiness be dependent on his regret.
I can only focus on cultivating happiness in my life, and finding people who truly, desperately, genuinely wish to be part of that happiness.